Mother India

Mother India

I wanted to write on this subject from November 2008. Yesterday, after watching “Satyamev Jayate” I decided to write this as soon as possible.

Female Foeticide in India was always high. We all know it and knew it. Many people came with statistics and numbers how many girls are for 1000 boys.

I felt that no one touched the subject that why people want male child in India and why not girls? No one thinks about how we can change the environment/society in such as way that female children are welcome to the society.

Punishment to the doctors and parents doing sex determination and abortion is okay but it’s not a permanent solution for this problem.

I have various aspects of looking at this. I will begin with it..

Please note, I am not supporting female foericide here.

1. Dowry -

How many people in India truly get married without dowry? Ask yourself. By some of other means, we (our society) has tendency to “rob” bride’s father to pay ransom amount to groom’s parent for jewelry, clothes, reception, transport, gifts, etc. Some society’s in Maharashtra has “fixed rate” as per occupation. PSI, Govt officer – 7 Lacs, Doctors – 10 Lacs, IT – 5 Lacs etc. (Figures are imaginary and actuals may be much higher than that).

Some Finance MNCs in India also offer investment schemes for your “daughters’ marriage” as oppose to “boys education”. WTF!

If officially, we are accepting that you need money for daughter’s marriage and your son is your blank cheque then who the hell wants to be father of a “burden”.

We must share cost of wedding between both the parties equally.

2. Social Status -

Well, this was about money. Other than money also during entire marriage process bride and her relatives (or driver for that matter) considered as inferior party. They are treated as groom’s personal servant. Forget during wedding but post wedding also for entire life “son-in-law” in India has more importance that god. Even during conversation we all use the terms as ‘why he will do this for you, you are not his son-in-law’.

Is this because we are afraid that what if he leaves our daughter? This apprehension is also true because being called as divorcée male is okay in India but divorcée female are looked as if they are “used”. (Sorry to use this term, but that is mentality people have).

Entire life father of daughter lives as loser on many occasions. For some aggressive action by brother or uncle are suppressed by saying “Ours is girl’s side, we have to show some patience.” Many and many sisters and daughters are still living in terror of in-laws and husbands due to this social cry state. Many of them lose their life either by killing themselves or they are killed for some or other reason.

In some family (including my own) paternal uncles are guests whereas maternal uncles are serving them like host.

Now tell me, who wants to be loser as oppose to so called proud father of son.

We all must show equal respect. You do that at your workplace, right? Then why not at home? If you are female you must raise your voice and if you are son-in-law of someone you must show respect to in-laws.

3. Name – (I am not talking about change of name for females after marriage)

William Shakespeare said “What’s in the name?” And in India, everything is in name. Joshi or Yadav? Khan or Sheikh?

In many cases, we have seen people wants son because they carry their names.

They call it “ghar ka chirag”. How many of us remember that what was our maternal grandmother’s (Nani) family name? Even if you do so, that must be your Nani’s fathers surname.

As soon as you are born, your name is decided like <your name> <father’s name> <father’s surname>. It will be printed in your degree certificate also. Where is your mother’s name?

In all official forms the format is same. In government organizations or at schools they ask you this. In the form they write “Father’s or Husband’s name”.

So we all (including Dr. Singh) accept that father’s name should be given to child and girls middle name and surname will be changed to husband’s name.

The root of caste system is in the name. In inter-caste marriages also after childbirth name/surname is given after father’s name. Someone like Aamir Khan tried to give his son’s name as ‘Azad Khan-Rao’ – but the problem is whose surname is Rao? It must be Kiran Rao’s fathers surname, right?

My suggestion is that we should remove family name for full name, completely. (Look who is talking? He himself has his surname after his caste)

E.g. Someone like Amit Patil married to Shweta Bhosale, then their child should be “Isha Shweta Amit” OR “Isha Amit Shweta”.

It will be very difficult for us to do this practically without government support. Because many of my friends had to support many documents to prove their identity as their surname was different from their family name.

We can implement this after two generation, hopefully.

Till then, as normal human being everyone wants to see their name’s getting forward for next 100-200 years.

As of now, can we stop changing name and possibly surname of females after marriage. One of my friend got change her first name also, then she lost her identity completely.

4. Equality

In how many restaurants have you seen waitresses? If you are good looking and smart they you must be air hostess! Why is that so?

When there was case of BPO worked being raped in city, all BPO companies made rule that at least one male should accompany female employee. WTF!

Why they did not think about having female driver?

If it’s men’s world, then who made it like this? We all have, right?

How many temples have female pujari? How many auto drivers are female? (There may be 1% or less). Why girls should be working only in IT, Schools, Banks and hospitals only?

There are n numbers of jobs which girls can do and may be they can do better. We (in India) need revolution in that.

Many of us afraid of send female alone at night or in lonely place. This is because many males are roaming around. Let’s make a place where we see as many females as males everywhere.

Let’s open more jobs for girls.

5. Responsibility

Many of us are either single child or have 1-2 siblings. In our society girl has to leave parent’s house and join in-laws. However, this concept is getting changed because most of them live separately. Therefore, this is not a major concern.

My point is, when parents retire and then need necessary support that comes to their son only. Including financial support to have their presence, everything is expected to be done by son only. It is fact that daughters are considered to be of other’s. Not only that, but all daughters consider themselves as my brother will take care of my parents.

I have seen many elder parents with either single daughter or two girl children facing challenges to get support for their health treatment to day to day life. Daughters’ try to help but they are busy with their own(?) family and taking care of her in-laws. However, when it comes to property all son-in-law show extra care of their in-laws.

I think, all single daughters or those who have no brothers should discuss this with their partner before wedding that they have to take care of their parents. There should be more such examples in society that all expected parents would love to have daughters like them.

Also, if you are son-in-law of such parents, you also need show care of your in-laws and make them as part of family.

In short, daughters also should take responsibility.

6. Pride

Almost all of you might have seen that some or other boy/girl got married to someone outside of their community against their parents wish. Many of the times, girl will runway with boy and will eventually live with boy’s family. We see this in real life and also in many movies. We find this as heroic act because 100% times the story is portrayed from their view point.

Boys parents show some resistance as well, but in society they still get pride that they boy did this heroic act and got married. They accept the girl also and sometimes they throw reception party.

How many of us think what must be going with the parents of the girl. They are humiliated by society in such a way that they prefer to stay home.

At workplace, market, neighborhood everywhere people look at them as if they are criminals. Many of the honor(?) killings in India happen by girl’s parents only. Their anger or agony comes out in that form.

I think that one should look at the limitation of their family priorities before making any big jump.

My sincere request to those who have parents whose importance is social pride than life; they must control their emotions and keep parents pride.

Specially, girls should make our parents as proud parents.

Don’t break many relations to make one. Life is not a movie.

There are many other things we can do to make our India as “Mother India”.

Jai-Hind!

Sanjay Sonar   7-May-2012

Dad, what is corruption?

“Dad, what is corruption?” was asking my ten year old son while I was driving to Jejuri (temple). I told “Beta, people pay extra money to get their things done and they break the rule. See for example, we are standing in queue for parking and someone offers extra money to parking person and he gives our place to that person, is corruption. Both, the one person accept the bribe and the one who pays are doing corruption”.

We reached temple by 5 pm (as we started late) and we wanted come back before its dark. As soon as we reached on top, many pujaris surrounded us if we want to take “direct” darshan and perform special puja. It will be Rs. 50 per person. I thought there is no rush and let’s take darshan by line only. But when we reached to point where line started, it was long line and minimum another 90 minutes will be needed to reach inside.

Before we think next, another person came and he asked for “direct darshan”. I looked as Swapnita and we kind of decided to go for it. Immediately, that man took us to counter where special darshan pass are sold. We got direct entry and we were out in next 15 minutes. Quick! All the people standing in line were kept on hold until we are done and another few who paid for direct entry.

While, I was driving back, I was feeling something wrong. Just few hours ago, I was explaining my son what is corruption. How someone bypasses the rule by paying extra money. I said thank god that my son didn’t ask me why we are paying more. I had no answer to justify that.

Then so many questions came to my mind.. Is it ethical to pay extra money and go ahead in line? May be it is official, but should we have that system in place? Almost all temples in India have two (or more) lines as per you pay. Free, Deluxe, Super Deluxe.. wow!

But, is it happening only in temple? No. We have “free” seat and “paying” seat in colleges. We have “First class” or “business class” in all journeys. Is that fair enough?

Can we stop it? May be the temple (or college) needs the funds to run their system and maintenance? But is that the only way doing it? Can we not have same rules for all?

So many questions and I do have answers.. Am I thinking like communist? Is it bad to be communist?

I would like to post these questions to you now. Can Anna Hazare and Lokpal bill stop this official corruption?

Sanjay Sonar

सागरा प्राण तळमळला...

येत्या ऑक्टोबर मध्ये मला अमेरिकेतून परत यायला ३ वर्ष पूर्ण होतील.. 

१५ ऑगस्ट निमित्त मला सांगावेसे वाटते कि मला तिथे कायम स्थायिक होता आले असताना मी परत का आलो ते.

बरेच भारतीय परत येतात ते नाईलाजाने.. आणि जे थोडे फार स्वेच्छेने येतात, ते ४ शिव्या अमेरिकेला, तिथल्या संस्कृती ला देतात.. आणि भारताचे गुणगान करतात. (अर्थात त्यात वाईट काहीच नाही)

मला असे वाटते कि, अमेरिका वाईट नाही. तिथले शिक्षण सुद्धा वाईट नाही.. हवा पाणी, राहणीमान, सुरक्षितता, शांतता, सर्व बाबतीत भारताच्या मानाने अमेरिका सरस आहे, ह्या बद्दल वाद नाही. संस्कुती म्हणाल तर, भारतात शहरांची संस्कुती सुद्धा कालानुरूप बदलत चालली आहे. अगदी भारतीय खेडे गाव सुद्धा बदलले आहे.

मध्यंतरी कोणीतरी मला विचारले कि अमेरिकन संकृती चांगली कि आपली? मुळात दोन्ही देशांना संकृती आहे, हेच किती चांगले आहे. दोन्ही देशांची संकृती भिन्न आहे, पण वाईट कुठलीच नाही. पायी चालणाऱ्या लोकांना आधी प्राधान्य द्यायचे, उगाच होर्न वाजवून त्रास द्यायचा नाही, रांगेची शिस्त,  अश्या किती तरी गोष्टी आहेत कि ज्या मुळे अमेरिकेचा हेवा वाटतो. तर दुसरीकडे वडील धार्या लोकांचा मान, मुलांसाठी वैयक्तिक गोष्टींचा त्याग, पाहुणचार, विविधता, अश्या अनेक गोष्टी फक्त भारतात आहेत.

थोडक्यात काय, दोन्ही कडे चांगल्या वाईट गोष्टी आहेत.

मग अमेरिका इतकी छान असताना under  developed भारतात परत येण्याचे कारण काय?

कारण असे कि.. मी भारतीय आहे.. कारण असे कि अमेरिका छान आहे, पण तो माझा देश नाही. माझा देश जगात भारी आहे असा माझा दावा नाही.. पण तो माझा आहे. आणि जगासमोर अभिमानाने जावे असाच माझ्या देशाचा इतिहास आहे. लाज वाटावी अश्या काही गोष्टी हल्ली घडत आहेत, पण चांगले वाईट सगळे माझे आहे! माझ्या मुळे आहे.

हि भावना मला प्रकर्षाने सावरकरांच्या "सागरा प्राण तळमळला" ह्या गाण्याने जाणवली.. “युरेका” असे झाले तेव्हा कॅलिफोर्निया मध्ये head phone वर हे गाणे ऐकले तेव्हा. लगेच विनय (रानडे) ला फोन केला.. परत येणार हे नक्की असे सांगितले..

एक एक ओळ अशी भिडते बघा.. (http://www.geetmanjusha.com/marathi/lyrics/567.html)

अमेरिकेला जातानाचे मनातले विचार .. “अन्य देशी चाल जाऊ, सृष्टीची विविधता पाहू"

तिथला गोडवा सुद्धा कंटाळवाणा झाली कि वाटते ... "फुलबाग मला, हाय पारखा झाला.. सागरा प्राण तळमळला"

आंतरराष्ट्रीय स्थरावर भारताला डावलले कि असे वाटते..

"मन्मातेला अबल म्हणुनी फसवीसी, मज विवासना ते देती

तरी आंग्लभूमी भयभीता रे, अबला न माझी हि माता रे ..."

काही कारणाने परत येताना उशीर झाला आणि वाटले...

"शुक पंजरी वा हरीण शिरावा पाशी, हि फसगत झाली तैसी

भूविरह कसा सतत साहू या पुढती, दश दिशा तमोमय होती..."

पुढचे कडवे अगदी चपखल..

"नभी नक्षत्रे बहुत, एक परी प्यारा मज भारत भूमीचा तारा

प्रासाद इथे भव्य, परी मज भारी आईची झोपडी प्यारी

तिजवीण नको राज्य, मज प्रियसाचा वनवास तिचा जरी वनीचा

भुलविणे व्यर्थ हे आता रे, बहुजिवलग गमते चित्ता रे...."

पुढे काही सांगायला नकोच!

जय-हिंद!

What can you do for your country?

John F Kennedy said in 1961, ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. Today, our India is completing 64 years of freedom. I just thought that what we all can do for our nation.

There was ad campaign for “Save Tigers”. After looking at the ad, I thought what I can do for saving tigers; but I couldn’t get answer.

Well, if not that what are the things which you and I can do for our country. I listed few things which we can do..

• Pay your taxes honestly – We all try to see all possible options to get away from paying taxes. Get all benefits which are legal, avoid producing fake bills. Your money will help to build the nation.
• Ask for bill with VAT number for any purchase from shop
• Keep our country clean – Its simple thing which we never bother about. If you and I are not cleaning roads, why should we throw chocolate wrapper on road? Just simply carry our garbage with you and put it in dust bin only. Also, let’s not spit on roads. For that matter, why should we spit any where else other than  wash basin?

• While driving we can do lot many things –
• Do not blow horn until it is necessary
• Allow pedestrians first to cross the roads
• Be kind at lower powerful vehicles like bicycles
• Allow other vehicles to go first in traffic jam conditions
• Help people mate in accident, even though many people circle out the place, believe me not even 1% are there to help
• Switch off engine at signals
• Do not negotiate with poor service giving sellers like vegetable sellers or cobblers. If the person is making profit or not, you can make it out from his/her outfits. You better will save more money when you try to get discount in big shops.
• Do not give any cash to beggars. I would prefer to give them job (short time) or food to eat.
• Reject service offered by child labour like restaurants or workshops
• Do not take or give bribe for any thing. I experienced that it takes less time when you go by ethical way.
• Use cotton bag instead of using carry bag for shopping
• Save water of any kind – Many people in our county don’t get water for drinking also
• Get your bicycle repaired and use it for short distance travel
• Be proud as Indian all the time. We got freedom just 64 years ago. We are still developing and we have way to go!!

Sanjay Sonar
Pune