Mother India
I wanted to write on this subject from November 2008. Yesterday, after watching “Satyamev Jayate” I decided to write this as soon as possible.
Female Foeticide in
India was always high. We all know it and knew it. Many people came with statistics and numbers how many girls are for 1000 boys.
I felt that no one touched the subject that why people want male child in
India and why not girls? No one thinks about how we can change the environment/society in such as way that female children are welcome to the society.
Punishment to the doctors and parents doing sex determination and abortion is okay but it’s not a permanent solution for this problem.
I have various aspects of looking at this. I will begin with it..
Please note, I am not supporting female foericide here.
- Dowry -
How many people in
India truly get married without dowry? Ask yourself. By some of other means, we (our society) has tendency to “rob” bride’s father to pay ransom amount to groom’s parent for jewelry, clothes, reception, transport, gifts, etc. Some society’s in
Maharashtra has “fixed rate” as per occupation. PSI, Govt officer – 7 Lacs, Doctors – 10 Lacs, IT – 5 Lacs etc. (Figures are imaginary and actuals may be much higher than that).
Some Finance MNCs in
India also offer investment schemes for your “daughters’ marriage” as oppose to “boys education”. WTF!
If officially, we are accepting that you need money for daughter’s marriage and your son is your blank cheque then who the hell wants to be father of a “burden”.
We must share cost of wedding between both the parties equally.
- Social Status -
Well, this was about money. Other than money also during entire marriage process bride and her relatives (or driver for that matter) considered as inferior party. They are treated as groom’s personal servant. Forget during wedding but post wedding also for entire life “son-in-law” in
India has more importance that god. Even during conversation we all use the terms as ‘why he will do this for you, you are not his son-in-law’.
Is this because we are afraid that what if he leaves our daughter? This apprehension is also true because being called as divorcée male is okay in
India but divorcée female are looked as if they are “used”. (Sorry to use this term, but that is mentality people have).
Entire life father of daughter lives as loser on many occasions. For some aggressive action by brother or uncle are suppressed by saying “Ours is girl’s side, we have to show some patience.” Many and many sisters and daughters are still living in terror of in-laws and husbands due to this social cry state. Many of them lose their life either by killing themselves or they are killed for some or other reason.
In some family (including my own) paternal uncles are guests whereas maternal uncles are serving them like host.
Now tell me, who wants to be loser as oppose to so called proud father of son.
We all must show equal respect. You do that at your workplace, right? Then why not at home? If you are female you must raise your voice and if you are son-in-law of someone you must show respect to in-laws.
- Name – (I am not talking about change of name for females after marriage)
William Shakespeare said “What’s in the name?” And in
India, everything is in name. Joshi or Yadav? Khan or Sheikh?
In many cases, we have seen people wants son because they carry their names.
They call it “ghar ka chirag”. How many of us remember that what was our maternal grandmother’s (Nani) family name? Even if you do so, that must be your Nani’s fathers surname.
As soon as you are born, your name is decided like <your name> <father’s name> <father’s surname>. It will be printed in your degree certificate also. Where is your mother’s name?
In all official forms the format is same. In government organizations or at schools they ask you this. In the form they write “Father’s or Husband’s name”.
So we all (including Dr. Singh) accept that father’s name should be given to child and girls middle name and surname will be changed to husband’s name.
The root of caste system is in the name. In inter-caste marriages also after childbirth name/surname is given after father’s name. Someone like Aamir Khan tried to give his son’s name as ‘Azad Khan-Rao’ – but the problem is whose surname is Rao? It must be Kiran Rao’s fathers surname, right?
My suggestion is that we should remove family name for full name, completely. (Look who is talking? He himself has his surname after his caste)
E.g. Someone like Amit Patil married to Shweta Bhosale, then their child should be “Isha Shweta Amit” OR “Isha Amit Shweta”.
It will be very difficult for us to do this practically without government support. Because many of my friends had to support many documents to prove their identity as their surname was different from their family name.
We can implement this after two generation, hopefully.
Till then, as normal human being everyone wants to see their name’s getting forward for next 100-200 years.
As of now, can we stop changing name and possibly surname of females after marriage. One of my friend got change her first name also, then she lost her identity completely.
- Equality
In how many restaurants have you seen waitresses? If you are good looking and smart they you must be air hostess! Why is that so?
When there was case of BPO worked being raped in city, all BPO companies made rule that at least one male should accompany female employee. WTF!
Why they did not think about having female driver?
If it’s men’s world, then who made it like this? We all have, right?
How many temples have female pujari? How many auto drivers are female? (There may be 1% or less). Why girls should be working only in IT, Schools, Banks and hospitals only?
There are n numbers of jobs which girls can do and may be they can do better. We (in
India) need revolution in that.
Many of us afraid of send female alone at night or in lonely place. This is because many males are roaming around. Let’s make a place where we see as many females as males everywhere.
Let’s open more jobs for girls.
- Responsibility
Many of us are either single child or have 1-2 siblings. In our society girl has to leave parent’s house and join in-laws. However, this concept is getting changed because most of them live separately. Therefore, this is not a major concern.
My point is, when parents retire and then need necessary support that comes to their son only. Including financial support to have their presence, everything is expected to be done by son only. It is fact that daughters are considered to be of other’s. Not only that, but all daughters consider themselves as my brother will take care of my parents.
I have seen many elder parents with either single daughter or two girl children facing challenges to get support for their health treatment to day to day life. Daughters’ try to help but they are busy with their own(?) family and taking care of her in-laws. However, when it comes to property all son-in-law show extra care of their in-laws.
I think, all single daughters or those who have no brothers should discuss this with their partner before wedding that they have to take care of their parents. There should be more such examples in society that all expected parents would love to have daughters like them.
Also, if you are son-in-law of such parents, you also need show care of your in-laws and make them as part of family.
In short, daughters also should take responsibility.
- Pride
Almost all of you might have seen that some or other boy/girl got married to someone outside of their community against their parents wish. Many of the times, girl will runway with boy and will eventually live with boy’s family. We see this in real life and also in many movies. We find this as heroic act because 100% times the story is portrayed from their view point.
Boys parents show some resistance as well, but in society they still get pride that they boy did this heroic act and got married. They accept the girl also and sometimes they throw reception party.
How many of us think what must be going with the parents of the girl. They are humiliated by society in such a way that they prefer to stay home.
At workplace, market, neighborhood everywhere people look at them as if they are criminals. Many of the honor(?) killings in
India happen by girl’s parents only. Their anger or agony comes out in that form.
I think that one should look at the limitation of their family priorities before making any big jump.
My sincere request to those who have parents whose importance is social pride than life; they must control their emotions and keep parents pride.
Specially, girls should make our parents as proud parents.
Don’t break many relations to make one. Life is not a movie.
There are many other things we can do to make our
India as “Mother India”.
Jai-Hind!
Sanjay Sonar 7-May-2012
